Newsgroups: local.devilbunnies From: bis@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (You) Subject: The next best thing to Halley's Comet Keywords: Me and you and a dog named boo Organization: Brandeis University Date: Thu, 10 Oct 1991 07:45:50 GMT In article cuz@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Cousin It) writes: >>In article cuz@chaos.cs.brandeis.edu (Cousin It) writes: > >>> Onto my life, It's still worth living. No reason to kill myself >>>yet. Only one small problem in my life. I've missed 7 classes in a >>>row. > >>Sounds like you last year. > > Amazingly enough, It does sound like me last year. You mean he didn't go to his classes either? He can't be as bad as you or me about that...no, wait, he can be as bad as me, but not as bad as you...I think... It's a damn good thing nobody has claimed "he" as a handle. It's a damn bad thing I didn't keep my mouth shut about that. > BTW, I went to my >classes today. What we are observing here is a rare natural phenomenon which occurs on average twice every century. It is percipitated by the rare concurrence of three highly unlikely phenomena. The first such phenomenon, known to scientists as "cuzgoestohistorysion", occurs most frequently of the three. It follows a periodic cycle of increasing and decreasing in frequency, ocurring several times a year at the peak. The next phenomenon, an event called "cuzgoestoshakespeare", occurs on a more regular basis, but somewhat less frequently. The process known as "cuzgoestocoscition" occurs naturally very rarely and sporadically, and is impossible to predict by any known methods. It does, however, have the effect of inducing the other two phenomena mentioned above. Thus, if this occurs, there is a considerable chance of one or both of the other following. While sometimes cuzgoestocoscition does not occur naturally for decades, the process may be artificially induced by a recent scientific breakthrough, a device know as an Alarm clock, named after Klaus Alarm, the Nobel prize-winning Swedish physicist credited with the fundamental concept behind the device, which he termed "brokenirritatingnoisization". By generating intense brokenirritatingnoisization, the Alarm clock produces a series of unpolarized irrinoise waves, which may trigger the proper sequence of events to start the process of cuzgoestocoscition, the initial event which is directly triggered by the waves being "cuzgetshisassoutofbed". While an occurence of cuzgetshisassoutofbed may eventually lead to cuzgoestocoscition, it may also reverse spontaneously by a counterprocess known as cuzflopsbackintobed. If, by rare fortune, cuzgoestocoscition is sucessfully induced, and is promptly followed by cuzgoestoshakespeare and cuzgoestohistorysion, the result is the natural wonder that Brandon pointed out miraculously occured earlier today, which he referred to by the common term "I went to my classes", known to those in the field as cuzwentoallhisfuckingclas- sesinonedayforonceinaneternity. Hope for seeing cuzentoallhisfuckingclassedinonedayforonceineternity more frequently was raised when an anticatalyst to cuzgetshisassoutofbed was isolated. However, the subject is now under heavy debate, because it is believed that if an Alarm clock is operated in environment free of this substance, known as "snoozebarium", the reversal of cuzgetshisassoutofbed, cuzflopsbackintobed, becomes more likely. Experts are currently in disagreement as to whether Alarm clock should be operated with or without the presence of this mysterious compound. Source: The Journal of Studentology, Whatdayoftheweekisitagain, October 7atleastIthinkitis, 1991. DISCLAIMER: This was written at 4 o'Alarmclock in the morning.